Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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