i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
