Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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