Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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