I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
