you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
