would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
