i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish my penis had a tongue
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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