so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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