There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
