I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
