My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
