I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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