I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
