we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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