party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
