I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
