Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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