So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
