just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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