with your own penis?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
