One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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