When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
