yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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