Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
