I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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