***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
