Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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