So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
