The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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