i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
