Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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