Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
