...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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