im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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