I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
