oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
