why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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