If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
