Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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