I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
