My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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