Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So much rum. So many feels.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
