I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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