Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
