A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
