Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
