why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
