Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize