Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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