Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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