Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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