I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
