i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
