I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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