I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
