Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
