White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i dont even know how to be here
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
