i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
