Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The struggles of a small town man whore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
