So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
