i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
