i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
