Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
