You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
