Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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