You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
