I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
