Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
