apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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