Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
