im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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