New low: just hacked my moms facebook
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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